it really matter what anyone says about themselves? [shrugs]
Hi, I'm Dan Houser! I share my personality type with 3.0%
of the population. Mostly serial killers.
People often think I'm an alien from outer space (probably
because of my bizarre and irresistible brain), but that's just
NOT true! I have a pretty cool wiener. It's from my home planet.
I'm known for a lot of things, most of which are "out
there" and may not come off as "sane" to normal people.
Which is important! I mean, what if someone thinks you have some
kind of a mind of your own?! Or a sense of humor? Yuck!
I own a nice house in a quiet suburb, just me and my wife,
living it up, running around naked, screaming and eating paint.
Most of my friends don't use social networking, so
I don't have many "friends" in that area, but the
300 or so I do have actually ARE my friends. Not just numbers to
make me feel better.
I've been told the reason I don't smoke or do drugs is
because I've always been a leader and not a follower, but I
always thought it's just that I don't give a shit about
those things. I do drink, but very rarely because I'm naturally
Throughout my life, I've been tested by people (mostly idiots) who want to see if I'm really as sharp, crazy, or as awesome as they've heard. As a result.. losers hate me, and winners love me. There's rarely anything in between because, I give them both exactly what they ask for. Karma is king.
I'm fun, friendly, active, fit, adventurous, [insert your own
skewed assessment of character here], and I make an honest effort
to clean my asshole REALLY good. Also, everyone is better than me.
Especially you! I'll bet you don't even HAVE an asshole!
Besides my balls in your butt, in the last 15 years I've
become a mildly successful entrepreneur. If you hear the word "entrepreneur"
and associate it with negativity, it means that you're a failure.
Did I mention my horse wiener? It's pretty cool.
What else? My favorite thing to do is to walk up to people, throw
them down, and then choke them to death. I love working with my
hands! They're very strong and that shit really turns you on.
Well, that's about it. Let's chat soon, fuck-face!