Does it even matter what anyone says about themselves?

[shrugs] Hi, I'm Dan Houser! I share my personality type with 3.0% of the population. Mostly serial killers.

You may come to think I'm an alien from outer space (probably because of my bizarre and irresistible brain), but that's just NOT true! I have a pretty cool wiener. It's from my home planet.

I'm known for a lot of things, most of which is "out there" and may not come off as "sane" to normal people. Which is important! I mean, what if someone thinks you have some kind of a mind of your own?! Or a sense of humor? Gross!

Some of those things you heard might be.. launching one of the first Conspiracy Research forums in the world in late 1998, creating a home audio and video production studio in 2000 and becoming a "content creator" before that was even a term, hosting our own destruction derby junkyard races, self-publishing indie music, games, memes, social experiments, calling future events decades in advance, getting banned over advanced / uncomfortable facts, my doomsday bunker work experience, military contracts in construction, making cell phones in the 90s out of cordless house phones, designing / installing PA systems in cars, tech gadgets, coding apps, dumping bodies in the woods, and who knows what. I've done so much shit in my life, I forget half of it.

Anyway, my dog bought a nice house in a quiet suburb, so naturally we moved in. Just me and my wife, living it up, running around naked screaming and laughing, cooking up moon-piss.

Most of my friends don't use social media, so I don't have many "friends" in that area (ohe nooe), but the 300 or so I do have actually ARE my friends. Not just numbers to make me feel better. I don't feel as if I've ever actually had any REAL friends though. Just people who wanted to be close enough to see if they could push me to fail but, it never works. Good times.

I've been told the reason I don't smoke, do drugs, or drink is because I've always been a leader and not a follower, but I always thought it's just that I don't give a shit about those things. I will have a drink maybe once every 2 years, but I'm naturally happy sandwich dancing-guy, so..

Throughout my life, I've been tested by bobble-headed idiots who, I guess wanted to see if I'm really as sharp, funny, or bold as they say? As a result.. losers hate me, and winners love me. There's rarely anything in between because, I give them both exactly what they ask for. This is why people sometimes have 2 extremely different opinions about me. They tell on themselves.

In general though I'm fun, friendly, active, adventurous, [insert your own gay-wad cereal-box TMZ psychology bullshit here], and I make an honest effort to clean my asshole REALLY good. Also, everyone is better than me. Especially you! I'll bet you don't even HAVE an asshole! Wow.

Besides my fat balls in your disgusting butt, in the last couple decades I've become a mildly successful entrepreneur. If you hear that word and associate it with negativity, it means that you're probably afraid of trying! Like a little bitch! Did I mention my alien horse-wiener? It's pretty cool.

What else? My favorite thing to do is to walk up to people, throw them down, and then choke them to death. I love working with my hands! They're very strong and that shit really turns you on.

Well, that's about it. Let's chat soon, you mother fucker!