2/26/2006: random guy (below) Emails me thinking I'm the Dan Houser that writes for the Grand Theft Auto games asking interview questions. I thought about telling him he made a mistake, but I messed with him instead. The green text below was the answers I sent back.

Dear, Dan Houser

My name is Alan Peña and I am a student in the Game Arts and Design program at The Art Institute of California (Orange Country chapter). I am currently taking Mr. Emrich's course entitled Survey of the Game Industry and my assignment is to research someone in the game industry and ask them a few questions about what it is like to work in the game business.

I've selected you because your have time in the business and seem to have knowledge of the Industry. I came to choose you for your history with games and my personal attraction to your games. I was fascinated by your professional work.

I hope you don't mind this small intrusion into your workday. For me, this is more than just a graded homework assignment (counting for about 10% of my course grade). I am very much interested in meeting people in the game industry and learning more about them and their work. I hope you will help me.

I added a few questions about your job and what it's like for you working in the game industry? Don't worry, I'm not looking for any sensitive company information or trade secrets; I'm just trying to learn more about what's it like working in the game business from someone who is already there. I will be printing out my questions and your answers, then handing them in for my grade.

Thanks! I hope to hear back from you soon.

Alan Peña

Questions:

What did you do before you went into the game business?
i worked at Best Buy for awhile, repairing computers. then i moved onto free-lance stuff. website design, audio engineering, internet porn videos, rape, etc.

When did you start working in the game business, doing what, and about how much did that starting job pay?
my 1st video game related job was working at EB Games back in 1726. mostly i just sucked cock, and the pay was horrible. they really fucked me in the ass on the pay. as a matter of fact, come to think of it, thats all i got! fucked in the ass! man that brings back memories. ...[starts crying].

What is your current job title? How would you describe what that job is?
High-Rise construction. we put together city buildings for crack heads to die in later on down the road when theyre vacant.

How did you get your job there? Did you get your job because you knew someone there (or someone there knew you) or did you send in a resume 'cold?'
no resume. i just walked in and slapped the secretary into the coffee maker and yelled "im hired!"

The people you work most closely with every day, what are their job titles and how does their job interact with yours?
lets see, the shop manager gets our materials, and.. everyone else is pretty cool. we fuck around alot, but we get the job done.

What software programs do you use to get your job done?
bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, and sour kraut. and sometimes the number 3.

On a typical workday, how much of your time is spent at your keyboard (as opposed to away from your computer)?
from 2 to 4 hours i guess. sometimes if its really busy, its like ... 6 years a day.

If you were offered another job, even a promotion, at your company, what would be your next step up the ladder?
shop manager / fucker of asses.

What's the coolest thing about the work atmosphere in your office?
everyone is drunk and shooting guns.

How useful do you find internet discussion boards and news groups about games? Why?
90% of the time theyre composed of idiotic 15 year old kids who think theyre smart but have no clue what theyre talking about. theyre so stupid you could have an answer to every question they could possibly have and they would ignore it (because theyre too stupid to understand what you said) and keep repeating themselves like a bunch of fucking def retards who broke into a computer lab. ...yeah have a ball you stupid fucks! stop asking questions your brain is too small to understand the answers to! AHH[starts shooting people]hhhhhh!!!!

What hobby press do you regularly read (print or web sites)?
anything related to Half-Life 2, rally racing, or aliens and space.

What industry events did you attend within the last year (such as E3, the Game Developer's Conference, IGDA meetings, and so forth)?
E3, Miko Lee's DVD release orgy, and... peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Marketing: Good or Evil?
evil. look, if the shit is good, itll sell itself.

Are you supporting a family right now or are you basically just supporting yourself?
i mainly support the balls in my pants with a lacey thong, but i do a little both here and there sometimes.

Do you have any money put away for your retirement yet (like a 401-K or IRA account), or are you just not worrying about that right now?
401K and a separate bank account no one knows of for the Batcave, i mean bat .. ting cage. batting cage.

Do you still pull all-nighters playing games with your buddies or do you "have a life" now that has cut into your gaming time?
video games are apart of our culture now. just like computers. to say someone doesnt have a life or to call them a nerd would be insulting the majority of the entire world. i have a very active life, with games on the side. while other people are resting, or wasting their time looking at their own fat asses in the mirror, or getting high and burning out, im still going. masturbating like no tomorrow.

- DaNHouSeR82.com